Dear Diary

Well, I realize that most people keep a diary to KEEP others from reading their thoughts. But, I want to share this one entry from one of my many, many spurious diaries. Now, please keep in mind that this was back in 2000, so, I decided to show you EXACTLY what I wrote. You'll see :P Enjoy~

25 January-2000 Teusday

Today I had music. I lisetened to a music symphony by *erased, written over* Leopard Mozart. It was of a familly had a party. Their was some people that had to come a long way. They went in the snow. We closed our eyes and imagined it. When we opened our eyes, it was SNOWING!!! A little but snowing!!! W*scribble in an "h"*at a good day. I learned silent night on flute. 8:54. Oh no, time for bed. no, asleep!!

LOL. The attention span of a goldfish, I tell you. And, 8:54?! Goodness, I do not even eat dinner by that time anymore. And, amusingly enough, this entry is one of my worst grammatically. I mean, the others had cute misspellings here and there (just how many variations of "great" can YOU come up with?), but, my grammar was usually somewhat cohesive. This time though, excitement must have slurred my thoughts :P Really though, I read at an incredible rate. I devoured books, and I quote, Jan 14: "Today I finished the Return of the Indian. I loved it!!" and then, Jan 15: "I finished Seacret of the Indian today. It was good but I liked Return of the Indian better" and then go on to discuss possible new books to read. Crazy, I tell you.

And, as I mentioned before, while diaries are usually meant to remain secret--and merely for your own entertainment or nostalgia years later--, I am terrible at sticking with those kinds of unspoken rules. So, what do I do? Spill my guts to my mom. We laughed, we cried, we gasped in shock at how sad and lonely of a child I was back when... But, mostly, we giggled ourselves silly at my "grown-up-like" analysis of what was going on around me. Sad and lonely as I was, I was certainly a bright child :P Also, I can pinpoint the exact date of when I have cleaned my room, seeing as it usually results in one or two successive diary entries after a long time with blank space gaping at you.

But, why oh why, do I write down the beginning and the conclusion of the juicy parts of my life? (The confused Annalisa with her first crush would be sure to send even the most reserved into a fit of giggles/chuckles, :D) *Sigh* Well, perhaps I should try my hand at writing a PERSONAL diary, meant only for myself, and written in on a somewhat regular basis? (As opposed to whenever I clean my room and find my diary, and then narrate the most interesting tidbits to my mother)

I just realized how strange parts of this post might sound to you, the reader. Tell my MOM!?! Juicy tidbits!? Hehehe. Well, I am proud, thankful, and happy to have such an open, honest relationship with my mom, to the point of reading her my old diary entries. That is what moms are for--especially such amazingly cool ones as mine (and many of you can second that, now can't you?) :)

Well, it is late (past midnight), and, my diary-reading session lasted for a little over half an hour, but, my room is STILL not finished. I have cleared off my bed, and made a path to it from the door--so, basically, I am back where I started. Although, it is true that the floor is clean, and you can see patches of golden tile gleaming through whatever is scattered across the floor still. Wish me luck?

Cleaning your room

How to clean your room in under an hour: do not, I repeat, do NOT be me. Simple as that. For, I remembered today why cleaning my room should be left until a natural disaster or another such emergency requires it, or until I have to move. Most people do not realize what a painful, arduous, emotionally taxing experience cleaning my room is(it has been 3 hours already, and still maaaany many things to be sorted through and placed accordingly). And, before you roll your eyes at me (yes, YOU), hear me out at least.

TO most, cleaning your room includes sweeping/vacuuming their floor. Well, I have to find my floor first. Even so, that is never enough, because I HAVE to go through everything I own, and decide what to do with it. Unfortunately, other than clothes, most of my personal items have no place in the world, yet have that annoying "sentimental value" tying me to it. I am very pleased with how it is going so far, but, it has also been 3 hours. And, instead of finding my floor (which, I DID catch a glimpse of about half an hour into this whole adventure), I have erased whatever hint there had once been. I am beginning to doubt its very existence.

The funnest part of going through everything (and yes, I realize that actually paying attention to everything while going through it is what makes this all drag on for so long, but I cannot help it) is reliving my past. The handful of diaries that I have unearthed (with an average of 4 entries per diary--and, no, they are not extensive. There are a loooooot of blank pages, trust me) bring me back to the me from years ago. Photos, note cards, train or plane or bus or boat tickets make me think of everything I have seen. And, I keep most everything. Terrible habit, I know.

Even though it is a long, thankless task, it serves to remind some people of just what a simple suggestion can branch out to. Also, I have been able to see how far I have come, how I have matured, and what parts of me still remain the same. A truly soul-searching adventure, full of books, old creative writing assignments, photo albums and postcards. To all of my friends: I have most likely seen something related to you today, no matter how long it has been since we last saw each other. So, know that I am thinking of you today, and smiling at the silly all-school retreat moments, missions trips to Tijuana, GEM-K, or even from when I lived in Castefa. 17 going on 18 years gives a lot to look over :)

Re: Annalisa Wells has just sent you an email

Have you ever received an email from yourself, that you never sent? Talk about deja vu! It worries you, it confuses you, it can even send your world out of orbit for the time that it takes you to realize just WHERE that email came from. For example, I send myself emails (not as sad as it sounds, really) with copies of essays or projects. My inbox is a great place to save copies until I submit them, and then I can go back and clean out my inbox until the next time I need some secure copies.

But, when all of a sudden, you receive a little notice claiming that you have just received an email from yourself, yet you have no recollection of having send ANYTHING to yourself recently, you begin to worry.

Usually, it is just a notification that I posted in a forum somewhere. Even so, it adds a spark of mystery to your day while you try to figure out just where it came from.

Silly post, I know, but hey. Also, please bear with me as I redo my blog's layout. So, if you see random things floating about, changing places, or just plain old wrong, do not worry, take a deep breath, and remember that the universe veers towards entropy anyways, so I am really just adding my little part. All will be well soon~ Take care!

Dost thou know?

As I have stated in many of my previous apology-posts, "I LIVE!" And, for fear of sounding repetitive and insincere, I will keep it short: I am sorry for having overlooked you all, no matter how busy a week or month I may have had. Because, after all, this blog is just as much for me to express my thoughts as it is for you to rest at ease knowing how I am doing.

Please know that in thees last two months, schoolwork and college applications have taken their toll. For those of you curious as to which colleges I have applied to, please message me and I would be delighted to tell you. Sharing across the web just does not seem... prudent. ;) Also, this way, I get to hear from you personally, which would totally make my day!!

One of the subjects that I am working hard at is a Shakespeare class. So far, we have read, analyzed, dismembered and put back together the bard's "King Lear," and we are now starting with Hamlet. My post's title actually comes from King Lear--"Dost thou know the difference between a bitter fool and a sweet one?"--and the whole concept of "knowing" has occupied my thoughts today.

Recently, I have been keeping in touch with old friends, reconnecting with a few others, starting up new friendships, and keeping tabs on all those I love and hold dear to my heart. And, it struck me: really, what influences "knowing" someone?

What makes the difference? A year or 4 in the same class? A week in the summer or months together? Chatting online or in person? Light-and-fluffy conversations or soul-searching adventures? Happy times? Sad times? Bits of both? Learning each other's favorite color and flower, or discovering the depths of their mind?

Also, is it right to "classify" friendships, in a way? Because, personally, I can tell which relationships want to know the real you and which are just searching for a brief smile and precious memory. Are friends for the moment, for the past, or for the future? A little bit of both, I would suppose. Just because you have not seen a person in years, or have only kept in touch every now and then does not mean that they would not provide a much-needed shoulder to cry of if it comes to that.

So, my friends and readers, I challenge you to feel thankful for those around you, and to always remember that there are no hard-set rules for friendships: learn, grow, and care for those that support you. Cheers to all, and may you enjoy the delightful (for some) or annoying (for others) Christmas carols that are soon to flood the world. ;)