Different Kind of Free

Well, to help me relax out of an exhaustingly intense day filled with the marvels of AP Bio, the torture of AP US History, the annoying repetitiveness of Geometry and thought-provoking English essays, I have been listening to music. Now, I am very picky when it comes to music. Unlike most people my age, I do not necessarily have a favorite band that comes to mind, nor a singer who I just NEED to get tickets to her concert. Sure, I have bands and singers that I like, but I rarely like the WHOLE album, or their band as a whole. Honestly, I focus more on individual songs. Even if the tune is catchy, I always focus on the words. Words have power, even if you aren't listening to them. I first realized this back in my Dark Age in Banyoles. The sadder I got from school, the more I listened to music. The more dark, depressing, "the world is falling on me" and "everyone is out to get me" songs I listened to, the more aggressively rebellious and depressed I became. Although I can now follow that argument through with my amazing logic skills, no one had the heart to tell me back then. Anyways...

Recently, I started cleaning up my room (LONG process, do not expect me to finish that soon, if ever. Although, conference is coming right up, meaning I will be traveling again soon, therefore I clean my room up nice and neat right before--so that I can clutter it up after taking apart my luggage) and stumbled across all of my old CDs. I have not owned a CD player (other than my laptop... which, I just realized, can PLAY CDs. Imagine that) for years now, so it was truly the equivalent of a time capsule. Amidst David Bisbal's first CD, and a pirated Chenoa CD that I was forced to accept, I found my old CD case, full of a bunch of Christian bands. One of my favorite groups form that "era" of mine was Zoegirl. It is one of those groups that every little good Christian girl listens to in 4th grade. Well, I have never really been one to honor frenzies, and only got it as a gift when I left the States in, you guessed it, 4th grade. I actually liked their music.

It not only had a good beat to it, but it also gradually improved my mood and was a major factor in my ascension from darkness, and it really helped me morph into the cheerful, warm and caring girl I am today. Ok, I see some of you giggling at me. Yes, I once was dark, and yes, I am now kind and nice, for your information. Deal with it ;) As for Zoegirl, it was one of the few groups I spent my money on to buy their new CDs. Here, in the pages of this oh-so-secret diary, I will admit that some of the parts that made me cry then still bring tears to my eyes today. I have found these songs to be soothing, healing, uplifting, cheerful, etc. OR, they make my heart cry out for various reasons. Their lyrics really speak to my heart, and sometimes it comes as a big reality check. It wakes me up to the harsh life that some people face every day, and it truly makes me wonder what I can do for them.

Over and over, I feel like there is nothing I can do, yet I don't want to give up without a fight. There must be SOME way to help the girl they sing about in "She." The more I learn about the world, the uglier it can look, yet, I will not give in to just seeing the negative. For as much bas as there is, God fills our days with little things, good things, that bring us relief in the form of a smile and a giggle. I'm off for today, but I want to wish you all a great Wednesday full of smiles and happy memories, as well as the ability to recognize the many blessings God pours out into our lives. Take care!