Beautiful Soul

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
I heard this song on the bus the other day, and it has really gotten me thinking. I couldn't help but feel that that is how God must feel, to some degree. He sees us down here, struggling to get by, yet blissful and full of thanksgiving other times.

The older I get, the more I realize just how much effort it really takes to be a worthy woman of God. Lately, it seems that things that never used to really bother me are starting to surface, and I find myself looking in the mirror more often than I'm proud of. Vanity really had never haunted me this much before. I'd stuff my hair into a messy ponytail, throw random clothes on (I managed to make them match or look decent, in some subconscious way though), and put chapstick on my poor cold/dry/humidity-intolerant lips. Now, makeup has opened an entire new world for me, and I can't say I'm pleased. Buying $10 lipgloss for $3 is a bargain, but just what does it entail? How will it affect me? Over the past few years, I've become very happy with myself. Not in an arrogant, self-righteous, boastful way, but just happy to be alive and with the gifts that God gave me. Nowadays, I have to keep examining the true thoughts of my heart: why am I dressing up? For whom am I dressing up? I earnestly yearn for the answer to be "for God, and for His glory," but, just as honestly, most times it isn't. Luckily, I've always stayed far away from the typical boy-craze, and I'm still not dressing up for them, Praise the Lord! The day I find myself doing that, I'll raid my pathetic little collection of makeup and mirrors and lock them away for a week. Not sure if that will help, but it will definitely give me time for a reality-check and a large enough wave of downright shame to make me realize how far I've gone from my original purpose of merely boosting my self-respect and my beauty in God's eyes.

How can I give my all to God, and through His power, turn my current self into the beautiful soul that He wants me to have? I definitely do not want to put His love to waste, but I don't think going about in a scraggly tee-shirt and jeans, looking disgusting on purpose, is going to solve anything. Sometimes the simple T-shirt and jeans brings out the best of people, but I don't think that God wants us to purposefully put ourselves down as punishment for wanting to be beautiful. Somehow or other, inner beauty and outer beauty are connected, but how to strike that balance is far beyond the current me to pinpoint. Well, here goes, another crazy search for the unknown. I never know what I'll end up finding, but I have to admit that God always blows my mind and answers my questions in ways that would seem almost too clear to be real.

How do we balance outward beauty with the beauty of the heart?
Signed, the struggles of a girl